to Becoming Otherwise

Featured Workshops

Beyond the Label:

Loosening Identity Stories in Non-Monogamy

Have you ever noticed how easily the language we use to describe our experiences can start to define us, and even shape how we judge ourselves or others?

“I notice I get anxious when someone pulls away.”

→ “I have an anxious attachment style.”

→ “I’m anxiously attached.”

and sometimes even… “I’m just too much in relationships.”

“I’m interested in exploring non-hierarchical relationships.”

→ “I’m non-hierarchical.”

→ “I don’t do hierarchy.”

→ “I shouldn’t prioritize anyone.” / “If I feel more attached to one person, I’m doing this wrong.”

and sometimes even… “If my partner needs more closeness than I do, they’re too attached.”

And maybe… there’s a part of you that wonders:

Is this who I am?… or are these just the best stories I’ve found so far?

We use language to describe experience… and over time, those descriptions can start to settle—into labels, identity, and stories that shape how we understand (and sometimes judge) ourselves and others. Over time, many of us develop identity stories about who we are in relationships. These stories can offer relief. They can help us make sense of ourselves. Help us find community, direction, and a sense of belonging.

And—

they can also begin to harden, to feel fixed, and maybe even inevitable. What once felt like a way of understanding ourselves can start to quietly organize what we believe is possible, how we interpret conflict, what we allow ourselves to want, and who we think we’re allowed to be.

But those stories aren’t actually fixed, they only feel that way.

Not knowing is not a problem to solve here. It’s part of the practice.

Through guided reflection, discussion, and arts-based inquiry, we’ll experiment with another way of relating to ourselves: Where behavior is not a flaw in identity, but something that can be understood; and the goal is not to arrive at a clearer definition of who you are, but to practice staying attuned to yourself as your needs shift, and learning to recognize yourself across change. Rather than moving straight toward problem solving or offering new stories to replace the old ones, we will rumble with unknowing as a practice: engaging in embodied inquiry to help us notice what shifts when our stories are troubled without being dismissed.

Together, we’ll explore:

how identity stories form in response to relationship, rupture, protection, and belonging
how binaries (secure/insecure, hierarchical/non-hierarchical, monogamous/ non-monogamous, etc.) can quietly carry moral weight, and shape how we relate to ourselves and others
what becomes possible when we stop treating these frameworks as verdicts that organize you—and start relating to them as tools that support you

You might be drawn to this space if:

you’ve ever felt both helped and limited by the language you use to describe yourself
you notice yourself trying to “get it right” in relationships, and often feel stuck when you think you don’t
you feel pulled between different relational frameworks, identities, or values, and aren’t sure how to reconcile them
you’re curious what might happen if you didn’t have to define yourself so precisely, or know exactly who you’re “supposed to” be
you want to explore non-monogamy without turning it into another set of rules about who you’re supposed to be
you’re curious what happens when certainty about yourself softens

This is a facilitated, educational space where:

participation is always optional
multiple truths can exist at once
complexity is not reduced for the sake of clarity
you’re invited to take what resonates—and leave the rest.

If you’re still reading and feel curious, confused, uncomfortable, or uncertain, you’re welcome to step into the room and rumble with us.

Becoming Otherwise offers coaching, educational workshops, and facilitated conversations. These offerings are educational and exploratory in nature; they are not psychotherapy, do not involve diagnosis or treatment, and do not establish a therapeutic relationship.

Discussion Groups

Neuro~Queer:

A Six-Part Facilitated Discussion Series

Were you the “pleasure to have in class” NeuroSparkly, the “wasted potential” NeuroSpicy, or somehow a feral chaos gremlin mix of both before lunch?

Do you identify as some flavor of Queer+, queerly complicated, queering your relationships, your identity, your expression, your desire, and/or your politics?

Are you a gloriously non-linear human who has been praised, corrected, misunderstood, overexplained, under-supported, and asked to become more digestible for other people’s comfort?

Have you been called too much, not enough, hard to explain, overly sensitive, lazy, brilliant, disruptive, gifted, difficult, or “so capable when you apply yourself”, and wonder what it might feel like to show up as your real, messy, non-curated self and still find belonging?

Neuro~Queer: A Six-Part Facilitated Discussion Series is a facilitated peer discussion group for Neurospicy, Queer+, Non-monogamous, Kinky, and otherwise-script-resistant folx to explore identity, embodiment, masking, desire, belonging, boundaries, burnout, and relational ethics. This is not a therapy group, but it is a safer, brave space to show up in all your messy, imperfect humanness for authentic connection, finding belonging in the “I don’t know yet,” and practicing progress over perfection.

FAQ

FAQ:

Who is this group for?

Neuro~Queer is for neurodivergent/neurospicy/neurosparkly/ADHD/AuDHD/Autistic/OCD/Feral queer-ish+ humans (LGBT*QIA+, kinky, non-monogamous, relationship anarchist, and folx otherwise resistant to the usual scripts) who want/need a space to be real without having to apologize or explain themselves away.

Who is this group NOT for?

I love that you’re an ally, and that you have people you care about and want to support who are Neurospicy; but if YOU are NOT Neurospicy, Neurosparkly, Neurodivergent, etc in diagnosis or identity then this is not your space. If you are not in someway Queering your life (in identity, relationship style, relationship practice, behaviorally, socially, politically, etc.) then this is not your space. If you don’t know what I mean by the latter, this is probably not your space. If you truly aren’t sure and need to ask me, send me an email or shoot me a message on facebook or instagram and ask.

What happens during group?

Each month we gather for a semi-structured facilitated peer discussion. There will be a topic guiding the discussion, but plenty of room for rabbit holes, worm holes, squirrels, trains (brain trains, thought trains, model trains, metaphorical trains…), silence, mess, laughter, paradox, and uncertainty. (Yes I do realize this answer got weird, and kinky, and as much as I love all the holes, and other types of trains, this is sadly not that group ;)

What it is not: It is not therapy, it is not a place you need to be perfect, it’s not a demand to disclose, and it’s not another performance of the curated, digestible self that many of us have been told we need to embody—you don’t need to be perfect to be loved, you are worth of love no matter how messy, feral, weird, rude, or annoying you are (emdash for emphasis ;). I know that sometimes it’s difficult to not wear the mask, and if you need it right now that’s okay, but please know that my hope for this space is that it will be truly one where we can all drop the mask and just be.

What is the cost?

I’ve created the groups so each one stands on its own. So come to one, if that’s where your capacity is at, but if you are able to I encourage you to commit to coming to all six. Not only will you get a little break on the ticket if you need it, but together they create a kind of messy constellation that lets us build shared language, return to unfinished questions, deepen our trust, and show up more authentically with each other.

Price: Tickets are offered at a few price points because access matters, and so does sustainable facilitation.

Standard ticket: $25

Sustaining ticket: $40

Reduced-cost ticket: $15, limited availability

Full Constellation Pass: All six Neuro~Queer gatherings (Discounted Standard Bundle): $120

For folx who want to follow the whole messy constellation. Includes all six Neuro~Queer gatherings, at a reduced rate for committing to the full arc, and the joy of not having to remember to register each month.

Full Constellation Pass: All six Neuro~Queer gatherings (Sustaining Bundle): $240

All six gatherings, no monthly registration goblin required. This ticket is for folx with more financial room who want to help keep reduced-cost spots available.

Full Constellation Pass: All six Neuro~Queer gatherings (Supporter Bunder): $150

For folx who can pay the standard ticket rate and want to skip the monthly registration goblin. Thanks for supporting the room.

Choose the rate that best reflects your current capacity. Sustaining tickets help make lower-cost spots possible for others.

If you are in need of a reduced-cost ticket, or have any other questions, please email me at: registration@becomingotherwise.com

Becoming Otherwise offers coaching, educational workshops, and facilitated conversations. These offerings are educational and exploratory in nature; they are not psychotherapy, do not involve diagnosis or treatment, and do not establish a therapeutic relationship.

Coaching

to

Becoming Otherwise

Featured Workshops

Beyond the Label:

Loosening Identity Stories in Non-Monogamy

Have you ever noticed how easily the language we use to describe our experiences can start to define us, and even shape how we judge ourselves or others?

“I notice I get anxious when someone pulls away.”

→ “I have an anxious attachment style.”

→ “I’m anxiously attached.”

and sometimes even… “I’m just too much in relationships.”

“I’m interested in exploring non-hierarchical relationships.”

→ “I’m non-hierarchical.”

→ “I don’t do hierarchy.”

→ “I shouldn’t prioritize anyone.” / “If I feel more attached to one person, I’m doing this wrong.”

and sometimes even… “If my partner needs more closeness than I do, they’re too attached.”

And maybe… there’s a part of you that wonders:

Is this who I am?… or are these just the best stories I’ve found so far?

We use language to describe experience… and over time, those descriptions can start to settle—into labels, identity, and stories that shape how we understand (and sometimes judge) ourselves and others.

Over time, many of us develop identity stories about who we are in relationships. These stories can offer relief. They can help us make sense of ourselves. Help us find community, direction, and a sense of belonging.

And—

Beyond the Label: Loosening Identity Stories in Non-Monogamy offers a brave space to notice those stories. Exploring how they form, not to get rid of them, or replace them with something “better,” but to discover what becomes possible when we loosen our grip on them and begin relating to them with curiosity rather than certainty.

Not knowing is not a problem to solve here. It’s part of the practice.

Through guided reflection, discussion, and arts-based inquiry, we’ll experiment with another way of relating to ourselves: Where behavior is not a flaw in identity, but something that can be understood; and the goal is not to arrive at a clearer definition of who you are, but to practice staying attuned to yourself as your needs shift, and learning to recognize yourself across change. Rather than moving straight toward problem solving or offering new stories to replace the old ones, we will rumble with unknowing as a practice: engaging in embodied inquiry to help us notice what shifts when our stories are troubled without being dismissed.

Together, we’ll explore:

how identity stories form in response to relationship, rupture, protection, and belonging
how binaries (secure/ insecure, hierarchical/ non-hierarchical, monogamous/ non-monogamous, etc.) can quietly carry moral weight, and shape how we relate to ourselves and others
what becomes possible when we stop treating these frameworks as verdicts that organize you—and start relating to them as tools that support you

You might be drawn to this space if:

you’ve ever felt both helped and limited by the language you use to describe yourself
you notice yourself trying to “get it right” in relationships, and often feel stuck when you think you don’t
you feel pulled between different relational frameworks, identities, or values, and aren’t sure how to reconcile them
you’re curious what might happen if you didn’t have to define yourself so precisely, or know exactly who you’re “supposed to” be
you want to explore non-monogamy without turning it into another set of rules about who you’re supposed to be
you’re curious what happens when certainty about yourself softens

This is a facilitated, educational space where:

participation is always optional
multiple truths can exist at once
complexity is not reduced for the sake of clarity
you’re invited to take what resonates—and leave the rest.

If you’re still reading and feel curious, confused, uncomfortable, or uncertain, you’re welcome to step into the room and rumble with us.

Becoming Otherwise offers coaching, educational workshops, and facilitated conversations. These offerings are educational and exploratory in nature; they are not psychotherapy, do not involve diagnosis or treatment, and do not establish a therapeutic relationship.

Discussion Groups

Neuro~Queer:

A Six-Part Facilitated Discussion Series

Were you the “pleasure to have in class” NeuroSparkly, the “wasted potential” NeuroSpicy, or somehow a feral chaos gremlin mix of both before lunch?

Do you identify as some flavor of Queer+, queerly complicated, queering your relationships, your identity, your expression, your desire, and/or your politics?

Are you a gloriously non-linear human who has been praised, corrected, misunderstood, overexplained, under-supported, and asked to become more digestible for other people’s comfort?

FAQ

FAQ:

Who is this group for?

Who is this group NOT for?

What happens during group?

What is the cost?

Since I know people may not be able to predict energy, money, transportation, sensory needs, social bandwidth, identity safety, or whether they’ll want to be perceive-able on the fourth Tuesday in October (which is, unfortunately, rude of bodies, but true), I’ve created the groups so each one stands on its own. So come to one, if that’s where your capacity is at, but if you are able to I encourage you to commit to coming to all six. Not only will you get a little break on the ticket if you need it, but together they create a kind of messy constellation that lets us build shared language, return to unfinished questions, deepen our trust, and show up more authentically with each other.

Price: Tickets are offered at a few price points because access matters, and so does sustainable facilitation.

Standard ticket: $35

Sustaining ticket: $45

Reduced-cost ticket: $25, limited availability

Full Constellation Pass: All six Neuro~Queer gatherings (Discounted Standard Bundle): $180

Full Constellation Pass: All six Neuro~Queer gatherings (Sustaining Bundle): $270

All six gatherings, no monthly registration goblin required. This ticket is for folx with more financial room who want to help keep reduced-cost spots available.

Full Constellation Pass: All six Neuro~Queer gatherings (Supporter Bunder): $210

For folx who can pay the standard ticket rate and want to skip the monthly registration goblin. Thanks for supporting the room.

Choose the rate that best reflects your current capacity. Sustaining tickets help make lower-cost spots possible for others.

If you are in need of a reduced-cost ticket, or have any other questions, please email me at: registration@becomingotherwise.com

Becoming Otherwise offers coaching, educational workshops, and facilitated conversations. These offerings are educational and exploratory in nature; they are not psychotherapy, do not involve diagnosis or treatment, and do not establish a therapeutic relationship.

Coaching